I was watching Adult Swim last night as I often do when I'm doing homework late at night and I watched a line-up that was made by a viewer and really enjoyed it. But then I saw a bumper they made that said something like, "Great first try, but ratings were a little low, next time try this," and then showed a line-up made entirely of Family Guy. Well even if Cartoon Network won't say it, I'm fucking proud that someone had the guts to not put Family Guy or American Dad on, if only for a night. I know how huge Family Guy's fan base is and I used to be among those ranks; I saw the pilot short on the What a Cartoon Show and I knew it was going to be a hit. Then 4 or 5 years later Family Guy went on the air, and I loved it. Fox later canceled it and then brought it back a few years later... It kind of reminds me of Full Metal Alchemist when they try to bring their mother back from the grave, but she's been dead way too long and so she's totally evil... The show was now solely about shock value, which wears kind of thin after a while. Even South Park realized that they need to have some substance in addition to shock value humor. But look at the score card, South Park went from shock value humor to thought provoking writing; Simpsons started out with great writing but have now sacrificed it for shock value and cheap laughs. South Park is still fresh (if they ever decide to make new episodes) and Simpsons are sort-of on their way out. I mean look at some classic Simpsons episodes like when Bart sells his soul; there is some genuine emotion there. But the last 5 or more seasons haven't produced anything like that. First couple seasons of Family Guy, same thing, they will never make another classic like Road to Rhode Island.
But even loyal fans who still love Seth MacFarlane need to realize the love isn't reciprocated; Seth MacFarlane hates you... Picture Seth MacFarlane in a giant Scrooge MacDuck money bin, swimming in money saying, "How stupid do I think American TV viewers are? I think I can sell them the same show 2... no 3 times and people would still watch it... Hell I'll even take the worst character from one show and make his own spin-off! Shit, I bet I could even have all three run in a prime-time slot on a huge network channel. And it will only make me RICHER!" College Humor nailed it with this video: Seth MacFarlane's Secret. I think even if MacFarlane saw that video he'd say, "That zutalor cat was amazing, call Fox and tell them daddy needs another time slot for his new show." And the whole generic family dynamic thing, that is totally ripped off of the Simpsons; I think they really had the perfect family dynamic going. If you want to have something about babies, you have Maggie; something about a mischievous boy you have Bart. And if you need an eccentric character for a joke that doesn't meet the specification of the principal cast, it's a cartoon, just make a new one. I think this is why no other sitcom had the versatility of The Simpsons. It's not like they didn't notice they got ripped off either, they even called them out a few times. But The Simpsons weren't the first and wouldn't be the last to call Family Guy out. The first to call them out was one of the people from Clerks: The Animated Series; but this is easily dismissed at just sour grapes, they turned down a very generous offer from UPN for a show on network TV that competed with the Simpsons/Family Guy, power hour. Well if they were on UPN they probably would be a little more lenient in what are acceptable ratings, so really it's their own fault; besides, it's hard to feel sorry for Kevin Smith, the only person I know with a greater contempt for the audience than MacFarlane. But then Trey Parker and Matt Stone (from South Park) finally called them out for their "cut-aways" where they just say, "This is like the time when..." and throw in some bit that they couldn't figure out how to work into the show. This is fine once in a while, but shit now it's like the whole show now. Instead of having some point to it, they now just use it to pad their incredibly thin main plot lines. Insult to injury, I can't remember a recent episode that didn't have "filler" (i.e. Peter falls down and holds his knee for like two minutes) very funny the first time I saw it, but they have one of these every episode now. Seriously, let me get this straight, you can't make 22 minutes of a story but you need 2 more shows?
But that still isn't enough, you made a DVD release called Cartoon Cavilcade of Comedy yeah I don't know if I spelled it right, and I don't care. I saw the previews for this show and I have one word... brilliant... That bit about the princess kissing the frog, and then he tells her it will only work if she kisses his dick, and then he says he's not a prince after she already kissed his dick... Give that man the Emmy, nay, give that man an Oscar! Seriously, where did you come up with that brilliant sketch? The only crime is I can't buy a million copies and watch it on a million TVs. And then he has this production he did called, Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein at Carnegie Hall. First question: How much fucking money do you need Mr. MacFarlane? Oh, it's for a good cause? The Writer's Guild? Wow, somehow that makes you seem like even more of a douche bag. But it's nice to see you appreciate how hard it must be to write your own stuff instead of taking your ideas from The Simpsons and Robot Chicken. Second question: you don't... like... masturbate to the sound of your own cartoon voices... right? I mean it seems kind of strange that you would even think that you are worthy of playing Carnegie Hall; that your voice is so golden that people would pay to see you do cartoon voices on a stage? I mean, I never saw it, but what the fuck else could it be? It's Seth MacFarlane and Alex Borstein, who has created such memorable characters as: Ms. Swan from MadTV, and Lois Griffin from Family Guy... and Ms. Swan from MadTV. Wait... what's that noise; I think it's everyone who practiced their entire lives for one chance to perform at Carnegie Hall but died before they realized that dream simultaneously rolled over in their graves. So in speaking of two unfortunate looking people with very limited imaginations sharing the stage; be sure to check out me and James Belushi when we play to a sold out Shea Stadium later this month.
Okay so I know I haven't been very nice, but Mr. MacFarlane, can you do me a huge favor and kill off Brian... soon. In the worst cartoon character hierarchy it goes Peggy Hill, Lisa Simpson, Brian Griffin, and then in a distant fourth Scrappy Doo. Favorite Family Guy moment of all time, when Stewie beats the fuck out of Brian for not paying his gambling debt... I could watch that over and over. The sad thing is that he's the only character you bother to develop. He's way too preachy; you're ultra-liberal, you smoke pot and you're an atheist, we get it. But guess what, it's a fucking cartoon dog, you can have a million episodes about those things (and believe me there is at least two episodes devoted solely to each) but you won't reach anyone. That's why people watch cartoons, because they aren't trying to cram some message down your throat. You watch cartoons when you are sick of the real world and just want to laugh about it. And seriously if there is one more episode about Brian professing his love to Lois; I will never watch the show again. And don't think I don't realize that Brian is supposed to be you, Seth MacFarlane, it's not like I don't see where that is coming from. You don't even change your voice when you play him, come on now. But now that you have literally sold out to every sort of medium out there; you really can't find a different way to express yourself than through a cartoon dog? Okay... I will settle for you killing of the baby on the Cleveland Show but it's going to have to be like the most violent death I've ever seen.
No comments:
Post a Comment